Reflections from my conversation with Thys van Zyl and Hykie Berg on Wins en Verlies
We like to believe that our financial decisions are rational. But how often are they actually driven by our emotions?
I had the wonderful opportunity to join Thys van Zyl on the television programme Wins en Verlies for a conversation about something that affects every single one of us: our relationship with money.
And not just the numbers in our bank accounts, but the emotions, beliefs and behaviours that influence how we earn, spend, save and manage it.
Because when it comes to money, the numbers often tell only part of the story.
Money is emotional, whether we realise it or not
Think about the last time you made a financial decision.
Perhaps you bought something you did not really need after a difficult day. Maybe you avoided opening a bank statement because you were anxious about what you might find. Or perhaps you struggled to enjoy spending money on yourself, even though you could comfortably afford it.
These are not necessarily financial knowledge problems. They may be emotional ones.
Money can represent so much more than its monetary value.
For some, it represents security and stability. For others, freedom, success, independence or even love and acceptance.
Our relationship with money is influenced by our upbringing, previous experiences, personal beliefs and the meaning we attach to financial success or struggle.
We do not simply make decisions about money. We make decisions about what money means to us.
When emotions take the driver’s seat
Our emotional state can have a powerful influence on our financial behaviour.
Stress may lead us to seek instant gratification. Fear can cause us to avoid important financial conversations. Guilt might encourage us to give more than we can afford, while social comparison can tempt us to spend money maintaining an image of success.
And, interestingly, positive emotions are not always immune to this influence. Excitement and optimism can sometimes encourage impulsive decisions too!
This is why emotional intelligence matters just as much in our financial lives as it does in our relationships and workplaces.
The goal is not to eliminate emotions from our financial decisions. That would be impossible.
The goal is to become more aware of them so that we can respond intentionally rather than simply react.
The stories we tell ourselves about money
Many of us grow up with messages about money that quietly become part of our belief systems.
“Money doesn’t grow on trees.”
“You have to work hard for every cent.”
“Successful people have lots of money.”
“Talking about money is rude.”
Some of these beliefs can encourage responsibility and discipline. Others may create anxiety, guilt or limiting patterns that follow us into adulthood.
And unless we stop to examine them, we may continue making financial decisions based on beliefs we have never consciously questioned.
A useful reflection is to ask yourself:
What did I learn about money growing up, and is that belief still serving me today?
Sometimes, becoming aware of the story is the first step towards changing our behaviour.
Financial wellbeing is about more than financial wealth
We often measure financial success through visible indicators: income, savings, investments or the things we own.
But financial wellbeing is also about our relationship with money.
Can we make financial decisions without overwhelming fear or guilt? Can we have honest conversations about money with the people closest to us? Can we enjoy what we have while still planning responsibly for the future?
And perhaps most importantly, are our financial choices aligned with what truly matters to us?
Someone can earn a substantial income and still experience constant financial anxiety. Another person may have more modest resources but feel a greater sense of stability and control.
Financial circumstances matter enormously, and we should never underestimate the very real pressure that financial hardship places on individuals and families.
But understanding the emotional side of money can help us make more conscious choices within our circumstances.
Awareness before action
In my work with leaders and individuals, I often return to a simple principle: awareness creates the opportunity for choice.
When we begin to recognise our emotional triggers, we create a little space between what we feel and how we respond.
Before making a financial decision, consider asking yourself three questions:
- What am I feeling right now? Is it fear, excitement, stress, guilt or something else?
- What is driving this decision? Is it a genuine need, a personal value or an emotional reaction?
- Will this decision support what matters to me in the long term?
These questions will not solve every financial challenge, but they can help us develop a healthier, more intentional relationship with money.
And sometimes, that is where meaningful change begins.
Redefining what it means to be wealthy
Perhaps one of the most valuable shifts we can make is to reconsider how we define wealth.
Of course, money matters. It provides opportunities, stability and choices, and financial security is an important part of our wellbeing.
But surely a meaningful life is about more than the size of our bank account?
It is also about the quality of our relationships, our physical and emotional health, our sense of purpose and the freedom to enjoy the life we are working so hard to build.
At WholeLeader Collective, we believe that sustainable success requires us to consider the whole person, including the relationship between our thoughts, emotions and actions.
And our financial lives are no exception.
A question to reflect on:
If money could speak, what would it tell you about your fears, your values and what truly matters to you?
Continuing the conversation
A heartfelt thank you to Thys van Zyl and the Wins en Verlies team for the opportunity to explore a topic that deserves more open, honest conversations.
My hope is that these reflections encourage us to become a little more curious about our financial behaviour, a little less judgemental towards ourselves and others, and more intentional about the choices we make.
Because ultimately, financial wellbeing is not only about managing our money. It is also about understanding ourselves.
*** Hykie Berg and I were the guests on this episode of Wins and Verlies broadcasted on VIA channel 147 on DSTV.
